Well past his sell-by date, Dave Pearce does what he can to keep fit walking and cycling in the Ardeche region of southern France where he lives.

Just what my doctor might have ordered - an adventure.

How to interpret that gesture, more subtle than the flat of the hand across the throat but menacing and made in my direction?

Nothing for it but a headlong dash across Europe, hounds snapping at my heels - (delete "headlong", novelistic, clichéd), and not hounds - assassins, Asiatic, ruthless after dark throat slitters, the snipers and bombers of the Mafia - all out to get me.

Nights bobbing on the Med. - a leading role in the Sicilian tuna slaughter fest - a case of mistaken identity - papal intervention - the mafia outwitted at every turn - what more could a menopausal male desire? Just when I was heading for my mid-life crisis. Just after I had bought a new pair of carpet slippers.